Getting to Know If I Am the Right Fit

Now In Session | Before We Begin Series | Part 3

Deciding to reach out to a therapist is a little like agreeing to a first date. You made a decision based on limited information and now you are sitting across from someone trying to figure out if this is going to work. And one of the most important things you can know going into that is what you are actually looking for, not just in a therapist generally, but in me specifically. Because knowing what I offer and how I work is just as important as knowing whether you need therapy at all.

Relaxed for a Reason

Therapy with me feels more like a conversation, except the conversation will always be about you. My style is relaxed and conversational because I genuinely believe that is the best way to create a space where you do not feel judged or like you have to perform having it together. In a lot of clinical settings, people tend to get quiet and start measuring their words, saying what they think they are supposed to say instead of what is actually true, because the environment itself creates a feeling of being observed rather than heard. And therapy is difficult to do well when the person sitting across from me is performing instead of being honest. So while I am absolutely doing therapy, I work hard to make sure it does not feel like what most people picture when they imagine sitting across from a therapist.

Not Only a Conversation

And just because it feels like a conversation does not mean it is only a conversation. The approaches I draw from, cognitive behavioral therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy, and solution focused therapy among others, are woven into what we are doing so naturally that you may not always realize when the therapeutic work is actually happening. That is intentional. I am not running you through a protocol or checking boxes out loud. The work shows up inside the exchange itself, in a question asked at the right moment, in something reflected back to you that helps you hear it differently, in a reframe that shifts something you have been carrying for a long time. Some people need a more structured clinical feel to trust that they are actually making progress and I understand that completely. It is just not how I work, and knowing that before we begin is part of figuring out whether I am the right fit for you.

Shaped Around You

I work in a way that requires me to really get to know you before I can offer anything that will actually help you. I need to understand what you respond to, what you are capable of, and what you have already tried before I can figure out what will actually work for you specifically. Generic coping strategies are not really my thing because they do not account for who you are as a person. For instance, I would never suggest that you journal if I learned in the process of getting to know you that sitting down to write is not something you can sustain. But if I learned that you like to walk and talk, I might suggest using your evening walks to audio journal instead, just pulling your phone out and talking through whatever is on your mind and bringing it back to session so we can work with it together. Everything I offer is shaped around you, and I cannot figure out what that looks like until I actually know you.

A Thinking Partnership

Another important thing to know about how I work is that I do not come to session with a lesson plan or an agenda. I am a responder, and I come prepared to listen to whatever you bring in and to work with that. You bring the content and I offer the conversation around it, asking questions for clarity, reflecting back what I am hearing, providing context or psychoeducation where it fits naturally. The direction of the work comes from you. This is not a classroom and I am not at the front of it lecturing. It is more like a thinking partnership where we are both working to arrive at something, and what we arrive at is shaped entirely by what you bring through the door. And because the work is collaborative, the more you bring into the room the more we have to work with. You do not need to have it all figured out before you come, but being an active participant in the process makes a real difference in how far we can go together.

That also means I do not come to session with a values agenda. My own experiences and choices inform my perspective, but they do not determine the direction of your work. If you come to me navigating a decision I have faced myself and made differently, my job is not to steer you toward what I chose. My job is to help you figure out what is right for you and then support you fully in that direction. Whatever path you decide to take, we work together to help you walk it well.

Figure it Out Together

Knowing whether I am the right fit is something we figure out together, which is why I ask for three sessions after the initial assessment before either of us decides anything. But going in with a clear picture of how I work gives you a better chance of knowing what you are looking for when you get there. If a relaxed conversational approach, personalized guidance, and a thinking partnership with two people working together toward something that belongs entirely to you sounds like what you need, I think we are going to work well together.

Come As You Are

The last thing I want you to know before you get here is that you can show up exactly as you are., and

I mean that literally. If the best way you can describe something involves a curse word, use it. Say exactly what you mean. There is no need to censor yourself here, and depending on the scenario, I might curse right along with you in shared frustration. Feel free to be comfortable in whatever way feels natural to you. One of the benefits of telehealth is that you can come exactly as you are. I have had clients show up in their bonnet or snuggled up in their bed just to talk through some things, and that is perfectly fine with me.

I also take certain liberties of my own. My days are spent listening and reflecting, and I tend to do both better when I am snacking on something, so you will likely catch me doing the same. You may also catch my trusted sidekick Crue, who often likes to check in on you to see that you are okay and offer her emotional support as well. And do not worry about confidentiality. I have already talked to her about that, and what she hears in session stays between us.

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