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Welcome to Lita's Lens
A Public Journal on Living Lately
A Letter from Lita
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Dear Reader,
I have always been one who thinks and feels deeply and I write to find the words and meaning for experiences that are hard to articulate. This is the space where I reflect as a woman, not as a therapist, on life and the lessons that come from giving myself permission to experience it differently. I explore the changing sense of self that comes from living in an ever changing world, a body under constant negotiation, and roles that asks others to do the same quiet, ongoing work I'm doing of being honest about who and how I am. And every so often, I reflect on history, or invent stories that explore the same themes.
I share the journey because sometimes permission is easier to find when you've watched someone else take it. Consider this an open door to witness life through Lita's Lens.
~Carlita
One Big Beautiful Forehead
I have spent most of my life wearing my hair in such a way that it drew attention away from my forehead. It was not until a DIY haircut gone wrong sent me to the barber that I had to reckon with what I had been doing and why.
Jun 254 min read
Still Quietly Negotiating
Each time I cut my locs, I watched my hair grow back up and out the way natural black hair does, and each time I felt that same pull to tame it. I told myself both times that relocking was an act of pride. And part of that was true.
Jun 63 min read
How to Let Go of Guilt When the Past Refuses to Let Go Of You
Guilt is powerful and intimidating. Left unchecked it can coerce you into voluntary servitude and you won't even realize you volunteered.
May 56 min read
When Enough Stops Being About Them
"I've come to realize how easy it is to mistake being loved in many ways for being loved in the way you actually need."
Apr 225 min read
When Conversations Feel Like Progress But Nothing Changes
Sometimes the conversation feels good, and you walk away thinking something shifted, only to realize later that nothing actually did. I had to start separating the idea of being understood from the experience of actually having my needs met. For a long time I treated them like they were the same thing. Because the conversation felt like progress.
Apr 124 min read
When You’ve Done the Work and It Still Doesn’t Work
You did the work. You communicated clearly, adjusted your approach, tried every version of the conversation. And still, nothing changed. Here's what I had to finally face: communication creates understanding — but it doesn't create alignment.
Mar 294 min read
The Unspoken Grief of Pregnancy and Infant Loss
Last month, during Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, I found myself reflecting on the quieter kinds of grief that linger beneath the surface, without words or witness. It led me back to a memory I don’t often touch, one that’s nearly thirty years old now but still alive somewhere inside me.
Nov 7, 20254 min read
Strong But Not Invincible: Suicide Prevention and Mental Health for Therapists & Helpers
I’ve spent most of my professional life in spaces where people look to me for answers, guidance, or comfort. It’s sacred work that I value, but it comes with something I didn’t fully understand when I first began this journey as a therapist. People start to see you as the one who always has it together.
Aug 18, 20258 min read
The Treasure in Travel: Why Traveling Is One of My Favorite Forms of Self-Care
From the moment I step into a new place, I feel something inside me shift — a loosening, a lightness, a reminder that I am allowed to be more than my daily grind. What started years ago as a spark has now become a rhythm, a promise I keep to myself: twice a year, I travel to see the world and to reconnect with who I am. Each trip is both an escape and a return; an escape from the weight of constant doing, constant caring, constant responsibility, and a return to joy, breath,
Aug 17, 20256 min read
When Grief Meets Gratitude: How to Manage the Ache of Absence in Life, Loss and Love
I didn’t expect a quiet breakfast to open such a delicate door. The dining area was mostly empty, the kind of space where strangers nod politely and move on — but instead, I found myself in slow, honest conversation with a man who was grieving.
Jul 10, 20255 min read
When Grief Meets Gratitude: How Shared History Brings Connection
Sometimes grief surprises us — not only in how it breaks us open, but in how it draws us close. It can bring a tenderness to moments we might have otherwise overlooked, wrapping even the smallest interactions in a sense of meaning.
Jul 8, 20255 min read
When Grief Meets Gratitude: Navigating Shifts in Generational Patterns and Conflicts
Nothing challenges the fragile balance within a family quite like loss. When someone passes away, emotions can spill over, and even simple conversations can feel loaded with history.
Jul 4, 20256 min read
What We’ll Carry Forward: A Sibling Reflection on Love, Laughter, and Legacy of Daryl Richardson
Some people leave behind a soundtrack. Daryl left behind a symphony — woven from laughter, love, and every life he touched. In the days since my cousin Daryl passed, our family has sat with countless memories — some tender, some hilarious, all part of the man we loved so deeply. In the first days of grieving, I wrote a personal reflection to hold my own sorrow. But something gently nudged me to see that Daryl’s story was bigger than my memories alone. I wanted to create space
Jun 30, 20257 min read
What We'll Carry Forward: A Tribute to the Music, Mentorship, and Memory of Daryl Richardson
Grief has a way of opening our hearts to things we didn’t know we needed to say. After my cousin Daryl passed last week, I found myself sitting with the weight of that loss and began writing as a way to process my grief. But as I listened—to the stories people shared, the way they spoke his name, the emotion behind their words—I realized my experience was just one thread in something much larger. There was a wider chorus of voices—students, colleagues, families—each holding t
Jun 22, 20258 min read
What I’ll Carry Forward: A Personal Reflection on Grief
Sometimes grief shows up without warning. It doesn’t knock first. It doesn’t ask whether you’re ready. It just arrives—quietly, or suddenly—and sits beside you like it’s been there all along. As a therapist, I spend a lot of time sitting with other people’s grief. I know how layered it can be—how it loops back on itself, how it shows up quietly and then all at once. It shows up differently for everyone. But when my cousin Daryl passed a few days ago, I was reminded—personally
Jun 17, 20254 min read
Before They Could Cry: What I’ve Learned Holding Space for Black Men
There’s a certain kind of hope you carry when you’re raising someone with love. You hope that if you listen closely, speak gently, and model emotional honesty, the world won’t be able to take that softness away. That was the hope I held while raising my sons. I worked hard to create a safe space. I encouraged them to speak their minds, to explore their feelings, to trust that their emotions had value. I gave them what I had, and what I had to learn on my own—tools, tenderness
Jun 8, 20257 min read
The Quiet Work of Letting Go: The Guilt We Carry for Not Leaving Sooner
Sometimes the hardest part of letting go isn’t the heartbreak—it’s what happens when the dust begins to settle. When the sadness softens just enough to let the questions creep in. Questions like, “Why did I stay so long?” or “How could I not see it?” That kind of guilt has a weight to it. It doesn’t shout. It simmers. It settles into quiet corners of your mind and waits until you’re tired or tender to show up with a list of what you “should’ve” done. I’ve sat with women who’v
Jun 6, 20255 min read
The Quiet Work of Letting Go: Finding Peace Without Answers
There are mornings when the ache wakes up before we do. Not always in the form of a dramatic wave of pain, but as a steady hum of sadness — quiet, persistent, and all too familiar. Like our hearts have been whispering something all night, still waiting for us to hear it when we open our eyes. Some mornings, we wake up not to an alarm, but to an ache. It lingers quietly beneath the surface — a subtle pulse of grief that doesn’t scream but won’t let go. It may not always come f
Jun 5, 20255 min read
The Quiet Work of Letting Go: Longing and Looking Inward
There’s a kind of pain that doesn’t make a lot of noise. It doesn’t come with a dramatic breakup or a messy goodbye. It’s quieter than that. It’s the ache that follows a decision you know was necessary—the decision to walk away from someone you loved, even when your whole body wants to go back. I’ve sat with this kind of ache. Not just professionally, but personally. And I’ve walked alongside others—clients and loved ones—who’ve felt the same contradiction: I know this isn’t
Jun 4, 20256 min read
Living with Grief: When Grief Becomes a Companion
Grief doesn’t arrive with instructions. It doesn’t knock politely or give you time to brace yourself. It shows up uninvited—sometimes quietly in the middle of the night, other times with the force of a storm that you never saw coming. And when it comes, it doesn’t just affect your heart—it rearranges your entire life. I’ve been there. I’ve watched people I love disappear from this earth, one by one, leaving behind echoes of their laughter, their pain, their history. I’ve held
May 24, 20256 min read
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